"Hey Opie, I'm gonna go out for a long one" Johnny Paul said as he began
running ahead of Opie down the side walk.
"I can't play no football Johnny
Paul, Pa is expecting me at the courthouse." Johnny Paul stoped in his tracks
"Aw Op, Just one long one ain't gonna hurt". "You know my Pa Johnny Paul,
if he says come straight to the courthouse after school, he means it." said
"Well maybe one pass will be ok, but only one pass only" said Opie
Opie tore off down the street toward the stop sign and Johnny Paul threw
a perfect spiral heading in Opie's direction.
"Watch out for the sign!" screamed Johnny Paul. "Look out Opie!" again screamed
Unfortunately Opie didn't hear Johnny Paul's plea and Opie ran full speed
into the stop sign at the intersection of Main and Maple.
3 Opie could hear Johnny Paul's voice
echoing around in his head while he slowly slumped to the sidewalk. A truck
on the road screeched to a halt as Goober jumped out and raced around the
truck and over to where Opie was lying on the concrete. "Ope!" he yelped
in panic, "Opie, are you alright? Can you hear me, buddy?! Ope?"
5 "Goob, is that you?" muttered Opie.
"Yeah, it's me Ope. Don't move, Johnny Paul has gone for help. He'll be right
back, Ope" replied Goober.
"Boy you did a number on this sign post!" added Goober. "I haven't seen this
sign look so bad since Ernest T. pelted it with rocks" continued Goober.
6 Just then Goober heard the siren
on the squad car, help's a comin Ope just take it easy. Barney slams on the
breaks and jumps out of the squad car, Opie, are you alright? Goober, what
happened here? Well Barn, Johnny Paul through Opie a long pass and Opie ran
smack dab into the stop sign!" "Well, I'd better take him over to Doc Bensons
to make sure he's ok, Goober, could you run by Floyd's and tell Andy what
happened? Tell him to meet me over at Doc's place.
7 Andy is chatting with Floyd at the
barber shop, when Goober comes tearing in. "Andy, Opie had a little accident!",
he says. "How little? Is he ok?". "He's fine. Barney took him over to Doc
Benson's". Andy ran out the door and across the street to the doctor's office.
Gosh darn it Opie, what the heck you been doing? Have you and Johnny Paul
been tossin the football again. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand
times don't play football in the middle of the street.
9 "I know, Paw, but I didn't get hurt
on the street, I got hurt on the sidewalk when I ran into the stop sign."
Andy, smiling slightly said, "Now Opie, that stop sign means you're supposed
to stop before you get to it, not to get stopped by it."
"Well, I don't guess it's too bad," Andy continuted, "Run along home and
let Aunt Bee fix you up." "Okay, Pa," Opie said before leaving. Andy looked
back at Floyd and shook his head, "Young 'uns" he said. Floyd smiled, "He's
a good fella, Andy. A lot like you when you were his age. I don't remember
you ever running into a stop sign though." "No, I don't believe I did," Andy
chuckled. "Ah," said Floyd, remembering, "but you did run into a pine tree
once. Got sap all over yourself. I had to cut it out of your hair."
11 Andy chuckles and walks out the
Andy walks into the courthouse and Barney, who had left the doctor's office
when Andy arrived, is sitting in Andy's chair with his back to the door and
his feet propped up while talking to Juanita on the phone. "Yeah it was chaos
when I got there, just chaos. Goober in a panic, Andy just scared to death,
and there I was...calm as a cucumber. Yeah, Opie was in a pickle and I was
calm as a cucumber". (Barney does his snort/laugh thing). Andy, who had eased
behind Barney says loudly; "Hey Barn!" Barney jumps, hangs up the phone real
quick, and turns to face Andy. Andy says; "You're awfully jumpy for such
a calm person." Barney replies sarcastically; "Oh thats funny, real funny.
Why don't you go over to the barber shop and give Floyd a pair of dull scissors?
That'd be funny too!" 12
Barney stands up, and with his fists on his hips, stearnly says, "And by
the way, daddy long legs, I think it's about time you sat that boy of yours
down and reviewed our policies regarding no horseplay in the street." Andy
replies, "But Barn, they weren't actually playing in the street, accidents
are bound to happen when boys are horsin' around."
"Look Ange, all I'm saying is, if you sweep these little things under the
rug, you're just asking for trouble down the road. Today they're throwing
a football at a stop sign, tomorrow they'll be makin' illegal u-turns at
that same intersection. But far be it from me to tell you how to raise your
boy. Now, if it was my son that was out disrupting the flow of traffic by
organizing a game of football out in the middle of the street, well I would
get him acquainted real quickly with City Ordinance number 302."
About that time the courthouse doors flung open "SUPRISE SUPRISE SUPRISE,
bet yopu didnt spect to see me did ya, did ya, did ya, did ya, well its me
and I brought along Sergeant Carter hes out parking the car and then he's
gonna go get a room at the hotel" clamored PFC Pyle. Andy smiles and says,
"Well, Gomer its good to see ya how long you gonna be in town?"
Gomer replies, "Well Andy, Sergeant Carter wants to spend the whole weekend
here in Mayberry. He's always telling me, 'Pyle, someday I'd really like
to visit the town that produces a Marine like you!' So here we are. Oh, and
Barney, I'm always telling him about you, ya know, how you're always right
on top of things and doing everything according to regulation. Sergeant Carter's
a real stickler for details too. You two should get along real well."
Barney pipes in, "Yeah, uh well, it'll be good to know there's somebody else
around here that goes by the book. I'll just bet you Sgt. Carter never finds
his Marines out stirring up mayhem in the streets." "Whadaya talkin' about
Barney?" asks Gomer. "Oh Barney's sore about the boys playing too close to
the street and getting hurt, that's all," says Andy. Barney scowls at Andy
and stomps out the front door of the courthouse.
A half block down the street toward the drugstore Barney looks up and stops.
"Well what in the world is that!" he exclaims upon seeing a small sedan being
parked right smack dab in front of the fire hydrant across the street.
Barney quickly blows his whistle and begins flailing his hands in the air
as he takes off across the street (right in the middle of the block). "Hold
it there fella, you're illegally parked!" he yells as he whips his citation
book out from under his hat. A station wagon blares his horn at Barney as
he just makes it across the street without being hit. What Barney doesn't
realize as he's beginning to fill out his paperwork and continuing to ramble
on about the needs of society to obey traffic laws, is that the driver of
the out of town vehicle is Vincent Carter, Gomer's Marine Sergeant and since
he's not in uniform, it's rather unlikely that Barney's going to figure this
out on his own. 17
Sgt. Carter is getting extremely flustered at this ticket for his traffic
violation. "FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE I'M JUST A MARINE WANTING TO SEE A LITTLE TOWN!!"
he screams in the usual Carter rasp.
"That's too bad because everybody's gotta obey the law. Now, pay this at
the courthouse before you leave or we'll put out a warrant for your arrest."
"Pyle did it! I just know Pyle's got something to do with this. Just wait
'til I get him back to the base...K.P. for a year!!"
Hearing the horns and commotion outside, Andy and Gomer come running out
of the courthouse. "Barney! What's all this?" Andy shouts above the noise.
"I'll tell you what it is, Andy; a further example of clear and simple
disobedience of the law!" Barney answered.
"Barney, Sergeant Carter didn't know this was a no parking zone." Gomer pleaded.
"Ignorance is no excuse, Gomer. A law has been broken and just because Sergeant
Carter here just happens -um...sergeant?(dumbfound look)"
"That's right. Gunnery Sergeant Vincent Carter, United States Marine Corps!",
Barney lowered his citation book, "Um...(clears throat)..well, (clears
throat)..ya see...I'm a lawman. Gomer's probably told you that. And I'm sworn
to uphold it...the law, that is..(clears throat)..and that's what I'm bound
to do (trails off)..." Carter looked at Gomer, "Is this Deputy Fife, Pyle?"
Gomer nodded yes "Uh-huh."
"Sheriff, I want to commend you. This man is a credit to your department.
I see that everything Pyle told me is correct. We could use men like this
in the Corps." (Barney smiles at that) "Thank you Sergeant. That's quite
a compliment," Andy grinned. "By the way, Sheriff...haven't I seen you before?"
Andy clears his throat and changes the subject, "Uh..Sergeant, have you seen
the courthouse?" 21
"Hey, Andy, can I show Sergeant Carter the roof where I captured those four
crooks by dropping the Christmas lights, that time?", Gomer asks. "Sure,
Gomer. Sergeant, you have to see this and hear the story for yourself. You
will not believe... I want you to know you will not believe it".
22 "If Pyle had anything to do with
it, I'll believe it!" Carter quipped.
Otis Campbell came running (well, shuffling) down the street frantically
searching for Andy. "Sheriff! Sheriff! Andy!!!"
"Otis, what in the world is the matter?" Andy asked the heavily-breathing
"Andy...I...had...to...tell...(breath)...I think I better catch my breath."
Barney shook his head, "Boy, Otis, you just don't take care of yourself,
do ya? All that alcohol's lowering your metabolization."
Andy scowered at Barney and then turned to Otis, "Ok, Otis, you've got your
breath. Now, what is it?"
"Two men-state police I think-are in your office and they've got a prisoner!"
"Well, let's go see what they want," Andy said as he started heading for
the courthouse, the other four behind him.
Andy and the crew walked into the courthouse. Inside were two uniformed State
Police officers and a prisoner already in the cell. "Howdy-do, Officer, I'm
Sheriff Taylor," Andy said as he extended his hand toward the closest police
"Hello, Sheriff. I'm Sergeant Green and this is Corporal Barclay."
Andy grinned, "Pleased to meet ya. What brings you boys down into these parts?"
Last night, two men escaped from the County work farm. We caught one but
the other one is still on the loose, Sheriff." Andy shook his head, "I wish
I'd of heard about this sooner, I'd have a search party combing the woods."
"Well, we tried to call, Sheriff, but we could never get through," Green
said. "Oh, that's alright with me," then Andy glared at Barney, "is it alright
with Juanita?" Green continued, "We'll be out patrolling Highway 6. If you
and your men could patrol along County Road 12, it sure would help."
Before Andy could say anything, Sergeant Carter chimed in, "We'd be happy
to help you boys out. Wouldn't we Andy?"
Barney getting excited, "No no no! You fellows need to stay here,this is
official police buisness. Right Andy?" "I'm affraid he's right fellows" Andy
replied hurrying to the gun rack to grab a rifle. "Barny, ya got your bullet?"
"Right here in my shirt pocket; pollished and ready." They both hurrily head
out the front door of the court house.
"I guess we can trust the marines, can't we, Ange?" "Well, sure".
As Barney and Andy hurried out the door, Gomer picked up the phone. Sgt.
Carter asked, "Pyle what are you doing? "Oh, it's ok, replied Gomer. "Hellow,
Sarah? It's me Gomer! Yeah, that's right, Gomer Pyle. I mean Private First
Class Gomer Pyle United States Marine Corps! That's right" Gomer went on.
"Hey Sarah, how's your momma doin?" "PYLE!" yelled Carter.
With Andy, Barney and the two State Policeman gone in hot pursuit, Sergeant
Carter takes the initiative. Carter grabs Gomer's arm, "Pyle, these guys
dont' know anything about stalking prey in the wilderness. This is a terrific
time to put some of our marine training to the test!" Gomer put the phone
down, "Gosh, Sarge, I don't know. Andy left us in charge of the courthouse."
Carter's nose flared, "Are you telling me you don't want to help track down
this dangerous criminal?" Gomer's shoulders slump, "Well....LET'S GO!" Carter
commands as he runs over to the gun cabinet, gets himself and Gomer a rifle
and leads the way out the door..
The two promptly bump into a man standing outside the door. "Out of the way
mister" yells Sgt.Carter and grabs Pyle by the arm. The man extends a arm
out and holds them back while asking, "Where is the Sherrif?"
"Look, he's busy and were Marines on a mission right now" replies Carter.
"And by the way who are you?" "Police Inspector Harrison."
"Mind if I look around the couthouse?" "Sure, mister" says Carter. "Make
yourself at home", and without another word Sgt. Carter pushes the resistent
Gomer into the back seat of the car. Inspector Harrison enters the courthouse,
and starts perusing the room. 29
Gomer Pyle and Sgt. Carter are in the car, and
Gomer asks "Hey, Sargeant, how about about the radio?". "No time for tunes,
Pyle. We've gotta keep on the lookout for this escapee guy!". Suddenly, the
car makes a loud -KLANG- noise, and then it conks out in the middle of the
road. "What the..." Sgt. Carter exclaims. "I just checked this baby 'bout
a week ago!".
"Could be 'ya gauge", says Gomer, trying to help. "Sometimes she'll tell
'ya an F when 'ya really got yourself an E! E means empty, F means full".
Sgt. Carter gets out the car and looks around. "Must be three, maybe four
miles to the next town...we'll have to go on foot, Pyle, and maybe, if we're
lucky, get ourselves a ride". "Whatever you say, Sarge", says Gomer.
"Hey, Sarge, there ain't nobody out here. And it's gittin' dark out!" "Marines
aren't supposed to be afraid of the dark, Pyle. And besides, we have to keep
moving. The next town should be almost a mile..."
(both hear a loud rumbling noise)
"What in the name of...? Run, Pyle,
Hey, Ange, let's turn in for tonight, OK?" "Yeah, Barn, I think so. Hold
on", said Andy. "Who's that up ahead?" "That's him! He's our man!"
Barney takes his only bullet and loads his pistol, being especially careful
not to accidently fire. However, as Barney is approaching, with his gun drawn,
the convict breathes a labored breath and collapses to the ground. "Gomer?"
"Where's Sgt. Carter?" "DON'T shoot!! I'm over here in the ditch, Sheriff."
"What in the WORLD are you two doing out here? Didn't I tell you to stay
at the courthouse and wait?"
"I told you so, Sargeant." "Pyle..." "I said we ort not leave the courthouse."
"PYLE." "I just you just wasn't thinkin'." "PYLE!" yelled Carter as he got
right in Gomer's face. "Just WAIT til I get you back to the base!"
"Now Sgt. Carter. Gomer's right. I know you're trained soliders but I DID
ask you to watch the courthouse for me. You ought to know that no matter
how small a job seems that all of them are important. If they caught that
feller, how are we gonna know since nobody's there to answer the phone?"
"Ange, Sarah will know." "Barn, I'm a tryin' to make a point."
"You're exactly right, Sheriff. I should have obeyed orders. I guess my pride
got the best of me."
"Don't worry about it...this time. I expect that Barney's right. Sarah will
know if the State Police called. Why don't we go over to my house and
have use some supper? I bet Aunt Bee's been working r-e-a-l hard to keep
it warm for us."
"Shazam! Oh, you're in for a treat, Sgt.Carter. Aunt Bee is the best cook
1. Allan Newsome
(email@example.com) posted 19:47:24
2. Robin Jaynette
3. Lamar Minor
posted 18:01:20 03/13/01.
5. Brandon Patrick
(firstname.lastname@example.org) posted 19:44:36
6. Lamar Minor
7. Jeff Humphreys
posted 16:59:38 04/08/01.
9. Opie from IP 22.214.171.124 posted 15:19:46 04/13/01.
10. Andy Killian
11. Scott Patterson
12. Andy Killian
13. Kirk Green
15. Scott Burnside
16. Kirk Green
17. Kirk Green
posted 14:03:12 10/12/01.
posted 19:36:15 11/09/01.
posted 14:19:41 11/10/01.
21. Scott Patterson
posted 10:54:14 12/12/01.
23. Scott Patterson
24. Chris Folks
posted 19:54:18 01/07/02.
posted 12:30:04 01/10/02.
26. Dallas Parker
(email@example.com) posted 23:14:36
27. Scott Patterson
posted 17:05:46 02/05/02.
posted 11:28:02 02/08/02.
30. firstname.lastname@example.org posted 11:49:19 02/08/02.
32. anonymous posted 06:00:54 02/10/02.
33. gg (ggg) posted 06:10:33